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Writing Samples
Band 5

The maps below show a bookstore in 2000 and now.

The maps below show a bookstore in 2000 and now.
#maps #show #bookstore
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The maps
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the structure of
Use synonyms
bookstore
Correct article usage
the bookstore
show examples
 from 2000 to
till
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that one large
area
Use synonyms
 on the left
side
Use synonyms
 of the
bookstore
Use synonyms
 has completely changed. Not only one
side
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 some middle portion of
Use synonyms
bookstore
Add an article
the bookstore
show examples
 has been converted into
seating
Add an article
the seating
a seating
show examples
area
Use synonyms
.
Rest
Correct article usage
The rest
show examples
 of the portion is most probably
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as it was in
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 time. In 2000, from the entrance, the left
area
Use synonyms
allocated
Add a missing verb
was allocated
show examples
 for
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
front
Correct article usage
the front
show examples
 half wall
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
was also
show examples
 occupied with
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
.
Front
Add an article
The front
A front
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 on
Correct article usage
the left
show examples
left hand
Add a hyphen
left-hand
show examples
side
Use synonyms
 has
travel
Correct article usage
a travel
show examples
books
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
 and opposite of travel book
section
Use synonyms
 ,there was
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 collection.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , After the travel and new
books
Use synonyms
 part , there was three
almirah
Change to a plural noun
almirahs
show examples
 for Arts, Hobbies and Cookery
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
, Behind the new
books
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
 ,
service
Correct article usage
a service
show examples
 Desk was available for providing services to customers and
café
Correct article usage
the café
show examples
 followed the service Desk.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, the large
section
Use synonyms
 on
left
Add an article
the left
show examples
side
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
bookstore
Add an article
the bookstore
show examples
 has been transformed into four different sections that are Art, Hobbies, Cookery and
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
. The middle
area
Use synonyms
 which was occupied
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 three
almirah
Change to a plural noun
almirahs
show examples
 has
replaced
Add a missing verb
been replaced
show examples
 with
seating
Correct article usage
a seating
show examples
area
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a
show examples
café has opened in the place of
non
Add a hyphen
non-fiction
show examples
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as it was in 2000.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bookstore, area, side, fiction, books, section with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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