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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

graph illustrates a comparison between the closure of shops and opening of new shops from 2011 to 2018.

graph illustrates a comparison between the closure of shops and opening of new shops from 2011 to 2018.
#comparison #closure #shops
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The graph below illustrates the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 that got closed and got opened in a country between 2011 – 2018. There are two
Use synonyms
axis
Change to a plural noun
axes
show examples
: -
vertical
Correct article usage
the vertical
show examples
axis
Use synonyms
 which shows the no. of
shops
Use synonyms
 and the other horizontal
axis
Use synonyms
 which represent the
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were 7 respective
years
Use synonyms
 for which the information is given. The details are given with the help of 2 graph lines straight line which represents the
closure
Use synonyms
 of the
shops
Use synonyms
 and
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 dotted one which denotes the opening. The vertical
axis
Use synonyms
 shows the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 from (0- 9000).
According to
Linking Words
 the graphical details, the highest no. of
shops
Use synonyms
 opened
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost 8500 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2011,
whereas
Linking Words
 the greatest
closure
Use synonyms
 took place in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013 with almost 7000
shops
Use synonyms
. The no. for
closure
Use synonyms
 and opening remained almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for the
year
Use synonyms
 2014 ie; 6500. There were 3 consecutive
years
Use synonyms
 which
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 the same no. of
opening
Fix the agreement mistake
openings
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
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 in (2012-4000), (2015-4000) and (2016-4000) and
year
Use synonyms
 2017 got almost
near
Change preposition
apply
show examples
4100 openings. The
year
Use synonyms
 2015 shows that the lowest no. of
Use synonyms
closure
Fix the agreement mistake
closures
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 took place between 0-1000.
Whereas
Linking Words
, if we look at the no. of closing
shops
Use synonyms
 which got their greatest dropout rate in the
year
Use synonyms
 2018 with total
3000
Change preposition
of 3000
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 got the same and almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 numerical for its
closure
Use synonyms
, for eg.
Use synonyms
Year
Change the article
the Year
show examples
 2016 and 2018 remained equal with almost
closing
Correct article usage
the closing
show examples
 of 5100
shops
Use synonyms
, else 2017 was very close to these 2
years
Use synonyms
; with 5000
shops
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Leena Kapoor on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, axis, years, closure, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 6 times.
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