IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people using computer and electric device to access information. Therefore, there is no need for printed books ,magazine and newspaper. To what extent do you agee o disagree?

It is critical to say that the internet has
revolutionized
Use the right word
revolutionised
show examples
our lives to the point that it is a global communication
.
Check wording
tool.
show examples
 People
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 electric
devices
Use synonyms
 for almost everything
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 sending a photo to friends to reading the news the moment
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 only a click.Personally , I believe that the use of electrical
devices
Use synonyms
 and computers is cheaper than
books
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and magazines, and easy to take them with you. I feel
this
Linking Words
 way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
Linking Words
Firstly
Replace the word
First
show examples
 of all,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is important to say that if humanity used fewer
books
Use synonyms
, magazines and newspapers, they
contribute
Verb problem
would contribute
show examples
 to using less paper to help with deforestation and care for our environment without
need the
Correct word order
the need
show examples
 for cellulose factories.
Besides
Linking Words
, in the case of
books
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a distribution limit and are highly
cost
Replace the word
costly
show examples
.My own experience is a compelling example of
this
Linking Words
. When I was studying for my
career
Punctuation problem
career,
show examples
 I had to read a lot of
books
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 sometimes I didn't have money to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I used to borrow the
books
Use synonyms
 because they were very expensive in a bookstore
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I had to wait a long
time
Use synonyms
 for them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Most people in the world think that the use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to read information is more
personalized
Use the right word
personalised
show examples
,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 pictures, integrated light and great storage where people can save a lot of
books
Use synonyms
 for free.
Moreover
Linking Words
, electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 can be a problem
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environment because
these
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 become waste and take a long
time
Use synonyms
 to dispose of and which is an environmental problem too.
For instance
Linking Words
,
My
Fix capitalization
my
show examples
 husband doesn't have
time
Use synonyms
 to buy a magazine
o
Correct your spelling
or
newspaper
Correct article usage
a newspaper
show examples
 because he is busy , so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
he has a telephone where he can read the news and a book when arriving home. In conclusion , I believe that the world is changing and humanity is changing its way of obtaining information all
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 because
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 more comfortable and
easy
Replace the word
easier
show examples
 to use electronic
devices
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph and guide the reader.
grammar
Fix grammar and tone. Use simple verb forms and plural where needed.
grammar
Keep ideas in a simple line and avoid long, tricky sentences.
task response
Give a stronger and more clear view in the intro and restate it in the end.
development
Add more real facts or strong examples to back your points.
content
The essay shows a clear view that reading on screen is common today.
content
The writer uses life examples to show points.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion that give a plan and wrap up.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: