IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average conaumption of cheese in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland between 1980 and 2020.

The graph below shows the average conaumption of cheese in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland between 1980 and 2020.
#conaumption #cheese #england #scotland #wales #ireland
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The line graph provides information about
an
Correct article usage
the
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 average intake of
cheese
 per person in 4 different countries  namely
England
, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland between 1980 and 2020. The units are measured on
killograms
Correct your spelling
kilograms
  per person.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 there
were
Change the verb form
was
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 a   dramatic growth in Wales and Northern Ireland
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of 
cheese
 consumption.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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  the same share for
England
 and Scotland  decreased respectively In the initial
year
Add a comma
,year
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 the
cheese
 consumption per person was around 20
killograms
Correct your spelling
kilograms
 in Northern Ireland and
this
 figure increased to 55 until the end of
period
Add an article
the period
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.
Furthermore
, the same share for Wales  too experienced 
a
Remove the article
apply
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dramatic growth from  45 to just over 75 until the end of
period
Add an article
the period
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. In stark
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
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 the quantity of
cheese
 consumption in
England
  and Scotland decreased .
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the number of  consumed
cheese
 witnessed  a dramatic growth till 1990, it possessed the lowest point among others.
While
England
 had  a slight  decrease until the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
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approxmately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 from 120 to 80.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cheese, england with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 3 times.
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