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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because advertising makes individuals less satisfied with what they are and have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, the marketing industry is reliant on commercial advertisements and the most important part of every marketing campaign is creating and propagating an effective one. In
this
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 respect, some people think that advertising has made a positive impact on
customers
Use synonyms
' lives.
Nevertheless
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, others imply that the dissatisfaction with what we are and possess stems from it;
therefore
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 it can be a source of some undesirable social results. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into both perspectives and at
last
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, I will express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, advertising is a crucial motivation for the economy. Unless we become aware of the companies' goods and services and the quality, price and the like, It will be almost impossible to fulfil our needs. So, advertising is a beneficial aid to
customers
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.
For example
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, if you need a new pair of shoes, you may search them on the Internet and if you are lucky enough, you will find a good frugal bargain.
Furthermore
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, advertising is a good means for firms in a competitive market. With the aid of well-designed advertisements, businesses are given
this
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 opportunity to increase their sale and promote their market share.
For example
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, whenever managers see a drop in their sales, they try to improve their advertisements or change the informative channels.
On the other hand
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, the latter group may focus on exaggerations that try to convince
customers
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 to achieve happiness and convenience by buying a specific good or service from a particular company. To be honest, most of these commercials try to target people's decision systems by inducing a sense of dissatisfaction.
For example
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, A car company may create a luxury movie to attract affluent
customers
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,
while
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 it may highlight discrimination in society.
As a consequence
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, negative psychological side effects like dissatisfaction are inevitable.
To conclude
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 the aforementioned material, I would assert that commercial advertising is an irreplaceable and integral part of every dynamic economy.
However
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, some regulations should be adopted to avoid unwanted detrimental effects.

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task achievement
Ensure a clearer distinction between your opinion and the discussion of the two views to enhance clarity.
coherence & cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly and enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to vividly support your points and make your argumentation stronger.
coherence & cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the topic and your stance clearly.
coherence & cohesion
Good logical structure through the essay, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant examples were used to support your claims, enhancing your argument.
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