Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Peers in school have more impact than
parents
on a child
’s success. Personally, I think that child
spends more time with their friends in school and it has a matter on his
Correct pronoun usage
their
behavior
. In the paragraphs Change the spelling
behaviour
underneath
, Rephrase
below
this
essay shall see
my thoughts.
There are several reasons why I support Verb problem
show
this
point of view. First,
there is this
quote: "Surround yourself only with those who will lift you higher" and it means that you are affected by your surroundings. For instance
, businessman
has two peers and they are stronger than him. It will be useful to himAdd an article
the businessman
a businessman
,
because he will progress with friends’ Remove the comma
apply
advices
. Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
In contrast
, If his friends are not businessmen, he will regress and does
not develop. Unnecessary verb
apply
Secondly
, children spend a lot of time together in school. They have same
ages, interests and homework, Correct article usage
the same
as
a result, it makes them closer. To illustrate, in the new system of education, students need to co-operate to get good marks and Correct word choice
and as
this
also
brings them closer.
Furthermore
, youngsters tend to copy each other’s habits and manners. To give an example, when I was 7 grader, I had a friend and he did not care about marks. After few
months, his grades Correct article usage
a few
were
improved, because we started doing homework together. Unnecessary verb
apply
In addition
, child
may learn some bad habits from his classmates and it can annoy their Add an article
the child
a child
parents
. However
, if parents
play the main role on
Change preposition
in
child’s
life, Correct article usage
a child’s
child
does not follow Add an article
the child
a child
bad
guys. Correct article usage
the bad
Therefore
, parents
should try to effect
on youth’s life.
In conclusion, there are two main influencers on adolescent’s existence. But, I believe that peers have more influence on youth’s success and Correct your spelling
affect
parents
should choose surrounding for their child
.Submitted by Deadline 8th April IELTS
on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has some structural issues affecting coherence and cohesion. It lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are not clearly connected and the essay does not flow smoothly from one point to the next. The essay needs better organization of ideas and clearer transitions between paragraphs.
task response
The response to the task is incomplete. While the writer expresses an opinion, the essay lacks depth and fails to address the task comprehensively. The supporting examples are not specific or relevant enough, and the explanations lack clarity. The points made are not fully developed, and the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic.