The chart shows monthly retail sales of different kinds of the stores in the USA last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reportign the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows monthly retail sales of different kinds of the stores in the USA last year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reportign the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart illustrates
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the previous
year
how much
millions
of dollars
spent
Add a missing verb
were spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
retail sales of
hobby
,
shoe
and
book
Correct your spelling
bookstores
show examples
stores
in the USA.
Overall
,
Shoe
stores
were the leader
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
year
and
hobby
stores
were the
second
one
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the end of the
year
.
Book
Correct your spelling
Bookstores
show examples
stores
were the
second
one at the beginning and in the middle of the
year
but over time
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
fell down to the third position. In the first half of the
year
,
Shoe
stores
had a huge lead on the market with nearly 3000
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars.
Book
Correct your spelling
Bookstores
show examples
stores
started in the
second
position with over 1000
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
and
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
down to nearly 500
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in February. Meanwhile,
hobby
stores
continue steadily. In the
second
half of the
year
,
Shoe
stores
had a huge increase between July and August. It went up to over 3500 million at
this
time.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
it had a huge crush
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the next month after that it reached
peek
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the end of the
year
with nearly 4000 million.
Hobby
stores
had a surge in
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
and over doubled
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
Book
stores
had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
increase in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
July and after it goes down to the same level as before.
Submitted by erenar3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, millions, hobby, shoe, book, stores, second with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "goes down" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: