IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town hall rather than renovating the existing ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #buildings #museums #town #hall #ones
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There is no denying the fact that the main effect of arts is debatable.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that renovating the old
museum
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 is better than constructing a new
one
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.
However
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, others contemplate that the wage must be consumed on constructing a new
one
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. From my perspective, I strongly believe that improvement in the old
museum
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 might be more cost-effective and could keep the heritage of our history. On
one
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 hand, repairing the ancient
museum
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 can be cost-effective.
For example
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, a prestigious journal article published that 30% of the country reported that they saved half of their fund by repairing the aged
museum
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.
Therefore
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, development in the aged
museum
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 might need less cash than building a new
one
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, so the authority can invest more in other areas and save more land.
Thus
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, it becomes apparent that funding the ancient
museum
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 would be more efficient than building a new
museum
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.
In addition
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, development in the aged
museum
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 may save the cultural traditions and heritage. To illustrate, if you renovate the aged
museum
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 you will keep the history of
this
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museum
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.
Moreover
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, you might increase your financial industry profit as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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certain
tourists
Correct the article-noun agreement
tourist
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 will be more interested in visiting the newly renovated
museum
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 as building a new
museum
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 that has no history will not attract the masses. Indeed,
this
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 makes it clear that improvements in ancient museums may have more advantages over building new ones. In conclusion, in my opinion, I consider that renovating an aged
museum
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 may have more merits than constructing a new
museum
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because of the lower cost
as well as
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 it may help the citizens to keep their heritage and own beliefs.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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