IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 present time, Offspring are spending more and more time on video games and screen time making them less and less physically active and away from the outside world,
Thus
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, Educational institutions are agreeing to make
sports
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 a mandatory subject for young students. In
this
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 essay, I will mention how athletic activity can impact
children
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's development, And how it can affect their health.
To begin
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 with, Parents nowadays are becoming busier than ever
due to
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 the higher demanding work environments of the present world. So, They Allow their
children
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 to fall into the bad habit of screen addiction. Which can poorly affect their brains. A recent study showed that
children
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 involved in physical
sports
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 have better brain function and a faster development rate.
For example
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, Youngsters playing football have better motor skills and problem-solving skills, Making them superior to those who lead a sedentary life routine.
In addition
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th
Correct your spelling
to
 the former reason, Governments should make PE compulsory in schools,
Due to
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, The positive health benefits it can leave on the younger population. It is well known that Athletic Activity improves cardiac function and muscle strength,
As well as
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, maintaining a good BMI. So, Encouraging
Children
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 to become more physically active is considered a prevention method for many chronic diseases
such
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 as (diabetes, Obesity, and High \ Low blood pressure).
To sum up
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, Active
children
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 will lead a healthier lifestyle.
Thus
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, decreasing the risk of them having any illnesses.
As well as
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 offspring playing any
sports
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 have better-functioning brains. And
that is
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 enough reason to make
sports
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 lessons mandatory.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each sentence flows smoothly into the next. Clean up minor grammatical errors and avoid abrupt transitions for a more polished essay.
task achievement
Elaborate on the examples provided. Adding more specific details can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure consistent capitalization and proper use of commas for a clearer and more professional presentation.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets the stage well, clearly stating the issue and the writer’s stance.
supported main points
The essay covers several strong points supporting the main argument, making a compelling case for compulsory sports lessons.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position.
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