IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, many people are not taking care of their elderly relatives, but seeking help from professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive development or a negative development?

#countries #people #care #relatives #professionals #development
It is often argued by numerous people that there should be
professionals
 to take
care
 of our older or
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 relatives.
Although
 there are some advantages associated with
this
 development, they are clearly outweighed by the enormity of
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
This
 discourse ahead will arrive at a logical conclusion after having critically examined the good and bad related to
this
 development. The major benefit of hiring a professional to take
care
 of the elderly is their discipline and years of experience. It is an irrefutable fact that
professionals
 have teams and systems in place that could make charts entailing food intake, walking minutes, medicine intake time, etcetera, which is important for the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of our relatives.
This
 discipline is not easy to deploy accurately.
On the other hand
, there are some negatives to leaving the
care
 of our
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 family
members
 to a professional. The first and foremost downside is a lack of personal touch. It is undeniably true that
professionals
 will take
care
 of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
members
 like a duty or like a job, which won't be the case if they are taken
care
 of by family
members
.
As a result
, the quality of
care
 could be improved. To exemplify, as per
Neurologits
Correct your spelling
neurologists
, paralysed patients have shown early recovery if they are treated by their family
members
 rather than
professionals
. Another downside of
this
 belief is
self isolation
Add a hyphen
self-isolation
show examples
. It is a fact that, especially in their later years, older people love talking to family
members
. Now, seeking professional help to take
care
 of them would cut them off from the family and create a feeling of depression among them.
To conclude
, despite the undeniable advantages, I firmly believe that there are far more disadvantages to leaving elderly
care
 to a professional.
This
 is because of a lack of personal touch and
self isolation
Add a hyphen
self-isolation
show examples
.
Submitted by harshrewari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: