IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week . Is this development more positive and negative (Minh Le)

In today's era of rapid technological advancement, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become an essential part of everyday life, supporting both professional and personal communication. People use these devices at all times, even during their leisure hours.
While
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 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 offer undeniable convenience, I believe that the overuse of
phones
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 for
work
Use synonyms
 and personal calls brings more harm than good. On the positive side, mobile
phones
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 allow individuals to stay connected with others instantly, regardless of location. For many professionals, being reachable outside of office hours increases productivity and flexibility, particularly for those working remotely or across different
time
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 zones. In urgent situations, quick access to a mobile phone can help resolve
work
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-related issues without delay.
Moreover
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, for small business owners and freelancers, being available to answer calls at any
time
Use synonyms
 can be crucial to maintaining client relationships and securing income. These benefits show that mobile
phones
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 have become an indispensable tool in the modern working world.
However
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, despite these advantages, the excessive use of mobile
phones
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 can negatively impact both physical and mental well-being. Frequent and prolonged use of mobile devices, especially when held close to the ears, exposes users to electromagnetic radiation.
Although
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 the long-term effects are still under study, some research suggests that heavy usage may lead to fatigue, stress, and even sleep disorders.
For example
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, studies have linked smartphone overuse with increased tiredness, anxiety, and difficulty concentrating—factors that undermine both personal health and
work
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 performance. Another drawback is the disruption of personal and family
time
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. Constant connectivity often leads to blurred boundaries between
work
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 and private life. Answering
work
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-related calls during dinner or family gatherings can interfere with quality
time
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 and strain relationships.
This
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 issue is particularly common in high-pressure industries like marketing or sales, where employees are expected to be accessible around the clock.
Furthermore
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, for remote workers dealing with clients in different
time
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 zones, the pressure to stay available 24/7 can result in chronic stress and eventual burnout. In conclusion,
while
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 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 enhance communication and provide flexibility for professionals, their excessive use—especially for
work
Use synonyms
 beyond official hours—can harm physical health, mental well-being, and personal relationships.
Therefore
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, I believe
this
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 development,
although
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 beneficial in some cases, is
overall
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 more harmful than positive when boundaries are not clearly maintained.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed example or case study to support your points more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, use more linking words to connect your ideas more clearly between paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure each main point is clearly supported with examples that illustrate your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your main idea and sets the stage for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
There is a good balance in discussing both the positive and negative aspects of mobile phone usage.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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