IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many museums charge for admission while others are free.Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Nowadays a lot of
museums
Use synonyms
 around the world take admission for entrance
while
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 others are free .
This
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 essay will discuss both views. On the one hand , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
museums
Add an article
the museums
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 charge for admission due
top
Correct your spelling
to
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 the fact that they have a lot of gorgeous
and
Correct word choice
apply
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historical collections which are very valuable for every land.
Museums
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 should pay off their exhibitions and
also
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museums
Use synonyms
has
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have
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 employee which
work
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works
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 for wages.
In
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addition
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,addition
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 a lot of
museums
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 are paid
because
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for because
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 of
incredible
Correct article usage
the incredible
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entice
Replace the word
enticement
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 of statues.If
this
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 kind of
Use synonyms
museums
Fix the agreement mistake
museum
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 will be free a thousand
of
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apply
show examples
people will try to get into
this
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 place and there will be
mess
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a mess
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. Another important fact is that
museums
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 show
Correct article usage
the tradition
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tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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 of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 and antiquities of our culture . Tourists should pay money if they want to acquaint
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
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history
Correct article usage
the history
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 of our country . In another hand,
it is clear that
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,
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apply
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when
museums
Use synonyms
 are free
the
Correct article usage
apply
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attendance will sharply increase.
Furthermore
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, huge attendance
provide
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provides
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 knowledge and history of the culture . When citizens or tourists see the exhibition it can be seen, that population start to realise what is their real origin.
Second
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The second
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 essential point is discrimination when entry is free of charge there is no division
among
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between
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 poor and wealthy people. In conclusion, it is credible to argue that
museums
Use synonyms
 should be free.From my
experience
Add a comma
,experience
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 I believe that everyone can visit and
then
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 see
history
Correct article usage
the history
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, culture and tradition of his country without money.
Then
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 realise that he should be helpful
for
Change preposition
to
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 his nation like his ancestors
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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