IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#information #culture #history #internet #museums
It is generally said that since the
internet
 has been invented, the
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
 of
Add an article
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 has decreased ,
thus
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be demolished or closed. I think it has a lot of benefits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 people so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree
Change preposition
with thus
show examples
thus
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 statement up to large extent.
To begin
 with, view of disagreement. First of all,
museums
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not save only history but
also
 help
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 to
booat
Correct your spelling
boost
boot
boat
 up
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. To explain it, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
 things always keep in them and
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
vistors
Correct your spelling
visitors
 have to pay
Correct article usage
an entrence
show examples
entrence
Correct your spelling
entrance
 fee to watch them ,
as a result
 , government earn so much
money
 from their fee payment.
For example
 ,
patiala
Change the capitalization
Patiala
show examples
 house which is a museum and its entrance fee is about 499 rupees and it leads the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 chunk of
Correct article usage
the indian
show examples
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
 government.
Secondly
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people who work in
museums
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee,
therefore
, it is
source
Add an article
the source
a source
show examples
 of employment. If it would be closed, a big problem can be created.
Moreover
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 can only provide
audio visual
Correct your spelling
audiovisual
show examples
 of things but
reality
Add an article
the reality
show examples
 is very different
Change preposition
from than
show examples
than
Change the preposition
from
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, so ,
museums
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
surety and
clearity
Correct your spelling
clarity
 to customers. On
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
 side, there are other
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 and sources which are incomplete so that
money
 should be invested
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 which will help people to live a good life and museum has no benefit to
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
money
 them
while
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 places like health sectors
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
 sectors will help
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 in future and present . To recapitulate,
although
 other sectors are important to spend
money
Change preposition
on but
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
museums
 can not be replaced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. oh
Submitted by raiinderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: