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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.
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The pie chart here
potrays
Correct your spelling
portrays
 the information about
Use synonyms
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 and the
world
Use synonyms
's resource consumption followed by
world
Use synonyms
 spending on
recources
Correct your spelling
resources
. Moving forward
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest
population
Use synonyms
 is recorded in
Asia
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 covers more than half of the
world
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart
Asia
Use synonyms
 is spending 18% on transport.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
, America and
Africa
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
 contributes to around 38% collectively.
Europe
Use synonyms
 spends most on food
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
24%,
while
Linking Words
Africa
Use synonyms
 is more concentrated on housing (12%).
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 it is shown that the highest
population
Use synonyms
 is recorded in
Asia
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 covers more than half of the
world
Use synonyms
's share. Records show that
Asia
Use synonyms
 is spending 18% on transport.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
, America and
Africa
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
 contributes to around 38% collectively.
Europe
Use synonyms
 spends most on food
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
24%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
 is more concentrated on housing (12%).
Remaining
Correct article usage
The remaining
show examples
 5%
population
Use synonyms
 spends about 40% on other stuff, which is the
heighest
Correct your spelling
highest
 share
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, America's share in spending is the least i.e 6% in
clothing
Add an article
the clothing
show examples
 sector.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words world, population, asia, europe, africa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • data
  • spending habits
  • consumption
  • resources
  • population distribution
  • comparison
  • patterns
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
  • implications
  • disparities
  • environmental consequences
  • social impacts
  • sustainability
  • economic development
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