Sociologists argue that parents should not allow their children to spend too much time watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is a common belief that some sociologists assert that parents should not allow their kids to spend too much
time
watching
television
. I strongly believe in
this
idea because watching
television
is harmful to
children
's
school
life
and their
health
.
To begin
with, it is true that if
children
watch
television
a lot of
time
, they can not focus on their classes at
school
.
Instead
of taking classes, they are going to fall asleep during the classes. Eventually, it will lead them to bad scores on the exams. In a survey conducted by Oxford National University, 70% of students who spend over 5 hours watching
television
in a day responded that they got lower grades rather than those who spend an hour
time
watching
television
.
This
shows that watching
television
too much
time
affects
children
's
school
life
in a negative way.
In addition
, it is evident that watching
television
a lot of
time
is detrimental to
children
's
health
, especially, eyesight. From my experience, when I
wan
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
in elementary
school
, I watched
television
too much
time
at home every single day. One day, I realized that I can not see everything clearly. So, I went to see a doctor. She told me that watching
television
made my eyesight worse. Since
then
, I should have
wore
Change the verb form
worn
show examples
the glasses.
This
means that watching
television
is harmful to
children
's
health
.
To sum up
, it is true that watching
television
too
Change preposition
for too
show examples
much
time
has effects on
children
's
health
and their
school
life
negatively. So, parents have to control
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
properly. It will help
children
to deal with their
time
watching
television
efficiently and it will lead them to well-being
life
in the future.
Submitted by lym1049 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: