IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the use of
sports
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events
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 by large
companies
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 to promote their business has a negative effect on athletics.
While
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 there are certainly some valid concerns about
this
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 practice, I believe that the benefits it brings to
sports
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 are much more significant. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, the most important factor in favour of advertising at
sports
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events
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 is the financial assistance it provides. When successful
companies
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 sponsor
sports
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 leagues and teams, they invest a large amount of money.
This
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 financial support helps
sports
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 to grow and reach a national and even international level, which in turn attracts more people to these activities. The relationship
also
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 benefits both the
companies
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 and the athletes. Producers,
for example
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, often receive sponsored items like
sports
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 gear and equipment, allowing them to save money for other purposes. In return, the brands gain popularity as today's generation is easily influenced by
sports
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 celebrities, which helps business owners earn more profit.
On the other hand
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, there are some facts that prove
using
Correct word choice
that using
show examples
sports
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events
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 to promote certain products can have a negative impact. The involvement of corporations, especially those with a bad reputation—
such
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 as online gambling
companies
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—can lead to controversies and damage public trust in the sport.
Moreover
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, advertising products like alcohol or casino games at athletic
events
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 can have a negative influence on young people, who may later suffer from these addictions. In conclusion,
although
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 the involvement of some corporations can create trust issues in society, the benefits of these promotions are much more important. Without the financial support from big
companies
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, many
sports
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 would not be able to develop and reach a global audience.

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task response
Be clear about how much you agree in the first line. State your view in one sentence, then give your reason.
coherence
Make each idea a single clear point and back it with one simple example.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas fit together, such as 'also', 'but', 'however'.
lexical resource
Use simple, correct words. Some phrases are not clear, like 'Producers' in the essay.
grammar
Check grammar and keep long sentences short to avoid errors.
task response
Stay on the topic and do not add points that do not fit the task.
task response strength
The essay shows a clear view that benefits matter.
coherence strength
Logical linkers 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' help flow.
structure strength
The order in paragraphs is good: idea, reason, example.
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