IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
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Nowadays,
during
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet and social
media
Add a comma
,media
show examples
 we have a huge variety of famous
people
. We can see them on TV, hearing on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 radio or see them on an advertising board during our journey or going to work . Some of those
people
 suffer from the abnormal treatment of the exaggerated
attention
 of media and private
people
. Some of them are ready to pay a fee for their fame and somebody are not, and
this
attention
 disturbs them and their family members. In my ,opinion the
people
 who have decided to be famous or known either on social media or on TV have to be ready for extreme
attention
 for your person. In
this
essay
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,essay
show examples
 I will
try
Add the particle
totry
show examples
 relate to both views and provide an example.
Firstly
, I want to speak about
people
 who know that their fame is part of the game and they do not try to hide it from
people
's eyes. Those
people
 usually do not sit at home,
,
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apply
show examples
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 they try to join some social events, and they visit the children at hospitals, even though they make photos with everybody who wants it. In
Correct your spelling
other words
otherwords
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,otherwords
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 they like those lives and enjoy them. The best examples in my opinion are Ronaldo and Messi.
Secondly
,I would
like
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tolike
show examples
 speak about
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
 who try to avoid
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extremaly
Correct your spelling
extremely
attention
 and suffer a lot from invasion into their private life.Those
people
 do not expose to the Internet their or their family
members
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members'
member's
show examples
 photos
to
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apply
show examples
, they do not sign the photos and do not take a part in social or charity events. A good example of those famous
people
 is Gorge Cluny. In conclusion,
this
 group of
people
 is divided into two. One group likes
attention
 and does not worry about
this
, and another group is extremally opposite.
Anyway
Add the punctuation
,Anyway
show examples
 we like them a lot and will continue to love them even though they do not sign our photo by request.
Submitted by haikin.al81 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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