IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe that toruist do not learn anything during their holidays, while others believe that they learn a lot. discuss both sides.

#people #toruist #holidays
going abroad is becoming increasingly popular.
This
 increase leads to a discussion of the benefits. On one side, people argue that visitors acquire nothing on their vacations. On the other side, others believe that they do learn about new things
while
 they travel. On one hand, travelling is an essential part of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
.
This
has
Add the particle
tohas
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
deveolp
Correct your spelling
develop
 new types of travelling and some of these
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 it difficult to learn about the destination.
For example
, guided tours are planned to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
 so
tourists
 are asked to follow a short
scheudule
Correct your spelling
schedule
 which they should obtain. In
this
 way, these travellers would not have the time to gain any knowledge of the visited nation.
In addition
, the
all inclusive
Add a hyphen
all-inclusive
show examples
 hotels are offering a concept causing
tourists
 to stay in the facility for the whole trip.
This
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 them not to interact with the locals so learn nothing.
On the other hand
, the old ways of travelling
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 still providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists
 with the needed
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to gain knowledge of the nations.
For example
, backpack travellers are gaining a lot of knowledge when they interacted with the inhabitants. They socialize with the locals,
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
, they learn
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 words from the language, try the
cusinines
Correct your spelling
cuisines
cuisine
, and
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 the customs.
This
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
 the culture
expolartion
Correct your spelling
exploration
explanation
 which is the simplest course to learn during the trip. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the popularity of holidays makes the argument about
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 benefits inevitable. Some
indivials
Correct your spelling
individuals
 think that
tourists
 gain nothing from their travels. Others believe that
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the right way to travel, it will act
benefically
Correct your spelling
beneficially
 on them.
Submitted by ahmedelhanshiry on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: