IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #computer #games #children #aspect #effects
Some people nowadays believe that playing computer
games
 negatively affects
children
 in every aspect
while
 others hold a contrary opinion on the same topic. Playing
games
Change noun form
game's
games'
show examples
 pros and cons will be discussed in the following paragraphs as long as I still hold the view that playing would
havehas
Correct your spelling
have
 positive effects on
children
. On the one hand, playing video
games
 would provide players with a sense of achievement and accomplishment. With these sensitivities,
children
 would be addicted to
games
 where they could be winners and feel proud of themself which could stick them in a virtual world and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 isolated from the real world.
Furthermore
, in-game purchases have become more and more popular so that
children
 could waste their money on them.
As a result
, purchasing in-game could become a trend in school which forms an inefficient money-usage habit for kids.
On the other hand
, many studies show that both brain hemispheres would be developed when playing
games
. To be specific, playing online
games
 with friends could maintain their relationships in school and enhance communication skills.
Moreover
, to complete missions in
games
,
children
 have to promote their creativity and team-working skills which could be an essential part of their future life. In terms of mental health, playing
games
 would be a good way to release stress after a hustle school day. Having a well-being lifestyle is a goal of many people, indeed, playing
games
 could be a convenient way to balance work and entertainment. In conclusion,
while
 having pros and cons in some particular situations, video
games
 could give more advantages if we could keep the drawbacks in control. For those mentioned positive effects, I fully believe that we should allow
children
 to play video
games
.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: