IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Students entering university should be continue to live at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#students #university #home
These days,
university
 education has become an essential part of everyone’s development. If individuals cannot enhance their social skills at
university
,
this
 will greatly restrict their future career options. In my view,
students
 should be able to spend some
time
 away from
home
 in
order
 to improve and enhance their ability to interrelate with their
university
 contemporaries.
It is clear that
 success at
university
 is not only a matter of a good grade point average, but
also
 of making friends
,
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apply
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 and integrating into a community. If
students
 play a leading role in the life of their institution
,
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 and develop good relationships with others, they will greatly improve their chances of getting a good job and having a successful career.
For example
, people who are leaders of
university
 societies and associations often go on to be leaders in other fields
such
 as business and official organizations.
As a result
, it is essential for
students
 to spend as much
time
 as possible with their peers in
order
 to establish good relationships with them and to play a role in social life. In
order
 to do
this
, it is crucial that
students
 spend at least some
time
 away from
home
. If they spend their entire
university
 life living with their parents, they will have much less
time
 to spend with their fellow
students
.
For example
, a student who finishes studying at 5 o’clock and who lives at
university
 may have another five hours in which to do follow-up study, socialize and enjoy leisure activities with their peers.
Consequently
, people who go
home
 to take care of their parents and to help with the housework will miss out on
this
 experience. In today’s job market, having good social skills is as important as high exam scores.
Although
 it may be necessary for financial reasons for some
students
 to spend some money living at
home
, they should try to integrate fully with the academic community in
order
 to enhance their job prospects in the future.
Submitted by 76805977 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured overall; however, make sure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that the paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the other. To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be further developed. Aim for a strong thesis statement in the introduction and a summary that echoes the key points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but to strengthen the essay, integrate more specific examples or data that reinforce your argument. This gives your essay more authority and a stronger foundation.
task achievement
While your response is complete, ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed. Address potential counterarguments to give a more balanced view.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but strive for deeper exploration of these concepts. This will make your essay more comprehensive and compelling.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Though examples are present, they could be detailed further to enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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