IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Teenagers are spending too much time on computers and this will lead to a severe problem in their mental and physical health. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#teenagers #time #computers #health
Parents often worry about the negative effect of
computer
 use on their teenage children because they spend too much of their leisure
time
 on PCs, laptops and tablets. I share their concerns because the current generation of adolescents is more exposed to technology than ever before. Spending too much
time
 on smart machines can be harmful to teenagers’ mental health.
Although
computers
 do offer practical benefits
such
 as study materials and e-books, they lack the motivation to utilize these virtues.
Instead
, they spend most of their
computer
time
 watching movies and dramas, chatting or playing games.
While
 these aspects of using
computers
 may not seem to be harmful to teenagers in the short term, the genuine problem occurs when they stop doing their homework or alternative hobbies
such
 as outdoor activities. In
this
 case, they might feel bored when doing anything away from the
computer
, and their general motivation and cognitive development could be slowed by brain fog focusing on virtual activities. Physical health is negatively affected if they devote most of their attention to
computers
as well as
 mental health. Young people usually lead a sedentary life or lie down for a long
time
while
 using these devices. Correspondingly, they are at a higher risk to become unfit and obese unless they get up and do physical exercise on a regular basis.
Furthermore
, those who are addicted to playing
computer
 games and chatting programmes are increasing, and
this
 leads to a lack of sleep
as a consequence
 of late-night use.
In addition
, the repetitive actions involved in using
computers
 can cause repetitive strain injuries to their fingers and wrists
as well as
 dry eyes. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I totally agree that we should aim to limit the amount of
time
 teenagers spend on
computers
.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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