IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Famous sportsmen often earn a lot more money than people in other professions. Although sport is important in our lives, everyone should be equal and such big incomes of sport professionals are unjustified. Do you agree or disagree

#sportsmen #money #people #professions #sport #lives #incomes #professionals
It is believed that sportspeople are paid highly
due to
 their being shown
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 advertisements and tv commercials using the sponsor’s products.
However
,
this
 is not the only reason why they receive a high income. On the one hand, athletes do intensive workouts
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 an early age.
In addition
 to their diet
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 restricted to healthy meals,
therefore
, their bodies are built differently than an average
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
. It is quite difficult to become a well-known sportsman as it requires a high level of dedication and physical practice. Sportsmen did not become famous overnight.
For instance
, Usain Bolt, a Jamaican runner who was awarded three gold medals, had to practise running for 12 hours daily so he could become the world’s fastest runner and represent his country in the Olympics.
On the other hand
, some people believe that it is unjustifiable to pay
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 professionals high salaries for enjoying their hobbies. A sports player is not more important than healthcare workers or firefighters, who risk their own lives to save ours from diseases and disasters. What is more, world champions do little in supporting notable causes or charities, which I think they must do more of. I agree to some extent that it is justifiable for sports professionals to receive high salaries for what they do
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they entertain us with sports and most of them are role models for adolescents who want to stay active so they could one day become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
. In conclusion, paying
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 professionals high salaries is good for the people and our country as a whole as they are role models for children.
Submitted by educationlovr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: