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Band 6

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later,and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? My essay:

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
There is a belief that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 become
a pleasant individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
a pleasant individual
pleasant individuals
show examples
 after being in prison for
along
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
 time.Many
people
 think that teenagers should talk with them for selfish experience about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of making crime.I reckon that
this
 idea is good for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of
youth
 and
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
This
 essay will elaborate you why
this
opinian
Correct your spelling
opinion
appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 a good chance to improve safety in society by
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
show examples
. On the first hand,there is the opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents should show famous and glorious places and
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 to their children to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success in the future.Because relationships with pleasant and true
people
 can excite
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation from
youth
 mind.Once Mark Elliot Zuckerberg said that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cup of tea with
good
Add an article
the good
a good
show examples
 person could be a lesson for
life
.
For example
,when Bauyrzhan Momyshuly,who was a significant hero
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the Second World War,told about his biography after
war
Add an article
the war
show examples
,he mentioned that he had made talking with one pensioner in 1938
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cafe.He said that he would keep
this
 dialogue in his memories for all his
life
.Interestingly,
this
 is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to get great
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
experience
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 fortune.by exchanging experience, you will benefit twice, you will be able to open the path to development for someone and do a good deed, and you can
also
 find your own route to development.
On the other hand
,the
people
, who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in prison,know his mistakes in his existence before criminal proceedings.They know how to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers on account of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 problems in
youth
 ages.He has been in
prizon
Correct your spelling
prison
 because of their crime,and by
this
regret
Add a comma
,regret
show examples
 they can exchange their practice and give good
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to young
people
.
Youth
 too will know about
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 crime or unpleasant bad
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
.
For example
,there is a theory of "survivor error".
This
 theory is about
experiences
Correct article usage
the experiences
show examples
 of underdogs,and we can elaborate that chances of being in
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
life
 are very small
then
 if we take
interview
Correct article usage
an interview
show examples
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 miserable man,we will know what mistakes we should not make in our
life
. In conclusion,I made
this
 view to explain
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and problems of
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between
youth
 and individuals from
prizon
Correct your spelling
prison
.
Submitted by 29th of april on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: