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Writing Samples
Band 7

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In some parts of the world, obesity issues have become so ubiquitous that many overweight people have a detrimental effect on the healthcare system. Some people believe that the best solution is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. In my opinion, I totally advocate
this
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 view and will address some agreement points in the coming paragraphs.
Firstly
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, in today's world, many schoolchildren eat unhealthy foods. These may include fries, fizzy drinks, and burgers. Consuming these on a regular basis can lead to childhood obesity.
Therefore
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, physical education at school helps in preventing obesity and other
health
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 issues.
For instance
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, physical
exercise
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 and activities will help burn off extra calories, if these calories are not burned off they will be stored as fat.
Moreover
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,
such
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 activities play an important role in the healthy growth and development of energy. That's why physical
exercise
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 should be taught in the school curriculum.
Secondly
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, physical activities are not just vital for physical
exercise
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 and to combat the negative habits of children, but it is crucial to their mental
health
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.
For example
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, classes
such
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 as gym, art, and music are critical in helping a child develop self-confidence and critical thinking.
As a result
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, children grow up to incorporate mental
exercise
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 into their daily.
This
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 is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public
health
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.
To conclude
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, I am of the view that physical education at the right age will help fight overweight problems and reduce government spending in the
health
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 care sector.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that directly relate to the main idea. Use transition words to connect ideas and paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt, including presenting a clear position and providing relevant examples to support the argument. Focus on developing the ideas fully and ensure they are well-supported.
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