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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information about the electricity generation in two countries in 2009.

The charts below give information about the electricity generation in two countries in 2009.
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The pie diagrams illustrate the percentage of electricity generation in
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
France
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,All charts are split into
two
Use synonyms
 groups:"All types" and "Renewable".The
first
Use synonyms
two
Use synonyms
 charts which are related to
Germany
Use synonyms
 show that it produced 560 billion kWh,
while
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
 made 510 billion kWh.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
First
Use synonyms
two
Use synonyms
 diagrams have more gentle proportions,
while
Linking Words
 the next
two
Use synonyms
 have total leaders.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
's "All Type" chart had a significant leader which has almost 60% of all amounts and it was the "Conventional Thermal"
section
Use synonyms
.The other
two
Use synonyms
 parts("Renewables" and "Nuclear") had 17.4% and 23%.
However
Linking Words
,the second chart completely differed from the
first
Use synonyms
 one."Wind" and "Biomass" had close numbers(39.3% and 36.9%).
while
Linking Words
 the other
two
Use synonyms
 had miserable per cent.
Moreover
Linking Words
,there was a
section
Use synonyms
 that had 0% and it was "Geothermal".
Secondly
Linking Words
,the
first
Use synonyms
 pie chart related to
France
Use synonyms
 differed from
Germany
Use synonyms
's sharply.
While
Linking Words
Germany
Use synonyms
's leader had 59.6%
France
Use synonyms
's had a notable 76%.
However
Linking Words
, it caused a cut-off space for other sections.
Hence
Linking Words
, the other
two
Use synonyms
("Renewable" and "Conventional Thermal") had 24% together.The total leader of the "All types"
section
Use synonyms
 in
Germany
Use synonyms
 had in
France
Use synonyms
 only 10.3%.Moving to the "Renewable"
section
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
 it can be seen easily that the biggest score had "Hydroelectricity" which
also
Linking Words
 had the highest per cent of all charts.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,other parts,like "Wind" with 10.5% and "Biomass" with 8.1% are almost unnotable.
Besides
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, there were
also
Linking Words
 "Solar" and "Geoth" with 0%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, france, two, first, section with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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