The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Despite the increasing improvement of social productivity with the help
pf
advanced technology and even AI, some people still Correct your spelling
of
work
hard every weekday and even work
overtime sometimes. Some individuals argue that the only intention of these workers is to earn money
and I partly agree with the
view.
One main reason in favour of Correct determiner usage
this
this
opinion is that almost all average employees need to support themselves by
Change preposition
with
monthly
income. Many of them Correct article usage
a monthly
also
need to spare part of salaries
Correct pronoun usage
their salaries
to
their elderly parents to express their love and appreciation to them. At the same Change preposition
for
tine
, if an individual has a family, he or she has the duty to spend Correct your spelling
time
money
on their children’s food, clothes and tuition fees in school to guarantee their basic material life, which is beneficial for the well-being of the family.
However
, I admit that there definitely are some people who work
hard not for money
but for promotion. Compared with higher wage
, the temptation of higher status and position in a company is stronger for them, because the respect from inferiors is the source of their satisfaction, Fix the agreement mistake
wages
instead
of money
.
Apart from those external reasons, namely higher money
and status, I believe some staff pursue internal fulfillment
obtained from Change the spelling
fulfilment
work
. They prefer to devote more time and energy to studying, working and sharpening their skills rather than engaging in some passive activities, such
as watching TV or playing video games. They enjoy the sense of achievement through hard work
.
In conclusion, I agree some people work
hard for money
, but there also
exist some sophisticated workers working hard for improving
themselves. Change preposition
to improve
However
, for
no matter what reasons one individual works hard, they should try to achieve a balance between Change preposition
apply
work
and family and work
according to
their body conditions and without sacrificing their own health.Submitted by 1378468145 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt very well, offering a balanced view on why people work hard. However, make sure to avoid minor grammatical and spelling errors. For example, 'pf' should be 'of' and 'tine' should be 'time.'
task achievement
Your main points are clearly stated and supported, but they could benefit from more specific examples. For instance, when discussing people who work for status rather than money, you could mention specific job roles or industries where this is common.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument. Nevertheless, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance readability even further.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. To improve even more, try to make your concluding comments slightly more varied to avoid repetition of ideas from the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, providing a balanced argument on the subject of why people work hard. This is a strong point in terms of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well formulated, giving the essay a strong start and finish.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, making it easy to follow your argument from start to finish.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are clearly stated and well supported, particularly in terms of why people might work hard for reasons other than money.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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