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Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #phones #case #development
Nowadays, electronic
devices
 play a vital role in
children
’s life. Young
children
 use mobile phones considerable
time
 for a
day
Change preposition
of day
show examples
. Distance learning methods and
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of
devices
 are the main reason for the significant screen
time
. I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
usage
Replace the word
users
show examples
 are higher than the benefits.
This
 essay will discuss the causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mobile
phone
usage
 among
children
 and
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 disadvantages of it.
First
Add a comma
,First
show examples
 it is essential to note that, nowadays, distance education is popular throughout the world.
Therefore
children
 are asked to use
different
Add an article
the different
a different
show examples
 mobile
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 to participate
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the lessons.
Forexample
Correct your spelling
For example
,
due to
 covid 19 pandemic most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools were closed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 year and teachers used mobile applications like zoom and Skype to teach their students.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 high
usage
 of phones is started and
children
 have to stick with electronic
devices
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
. Another significant reason is electronic
devices
 are not luxurious anymore, so those are available
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere for affordable prices. Another vital consideration is
addiction
Add an article
an addiction
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 video games among peer groups.
For instance
,
children
 spend more
time
 on games
such
 as PUBG and SKYRIDERS.
Hence
 it is notable that not only online learning but
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video games and
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of
devices
 are the reasons for young students’ long screen
time
.
According to
 my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, significant
phone
usage
 causes some health issues and sometimes
children
 tend to buy unnecessary items
due to
 intrusive advertisements which they see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
phone
.
Firstly
, if
children
 reduce physical activities by sitting in front of the
phone
, they may
ended
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up with serious health problems
such
 as obesity and diabetes .
In addition
 to
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 not
interaction
Replace the word
interacting
show examples
 with society drives them to have psychological conditions .All humans are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
social creatures and there for loneliness leads immature young people to have anxiety and depression.
For instance
, one of my
friends’
Correct your spelling
friend’s
show examples
 younger brother, who was in
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
secondary school, was addicted to mobile phones
ended
Correct word choice
and ended
show examples
 up
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having suicidal thoughts
due to
 severe depression. Another vital consideration is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some advertisements force young people to buy unnecessary items
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 their lack of understanding and
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 there are some adverts in
you tube
Correct your spelling
youtube
show examples
 about fancy stationeries which are low in durability.Thereby, it is vital that long screen
time
 negatively impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
’s health and
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 not economical. In conclusion,
this
 essay discussed
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mobile
phone
usage
 and its negative impact on
children
. In my opinion,
children
 should be encouraged to have limited
phone
usage
while
 parents should guide them to select
suitable
Add an article
the suitable
a suitable
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of use.
Submitted by chapa.chee on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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