IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals advocate for the
imprisonment
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 of all
criminals
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,
while
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 others contend that more effective alternatives exist for those with minor offences,
such
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 as contributing to their communities. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives and express my opinion, which aligns with the latter viewpoint. Some people support the incarceration of all
criminals
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, asserting that it is imperative for maintaining public security and upholding justice. They contend that
imprisonment
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 acts as a deterrent to potential
criminals
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 and ensures that
offenders
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 face the serious consequences of their actions.
Additionally
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,
imprisonment
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 serves as a safeguard by physically isolating people who have committed serious crimes from
society
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. By incarcerating the offender, the public is shielded from
further
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 violence and potential harm. Without
imprisonment
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, these culprits might persist in their severe criminal behaviour, endangering public safety.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion, I agree with proponents who argue that not all
offenders
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, especially those with non-violent or minor crimes, need to be incarcerated. For these
criminals
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,
community
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 work or other forms of vocational training can be more effective. These measures can help them make amends, contribute positively to their communities and reintegrate into
society
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 as law-abiding citizens.
For example
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,
community
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 service programs are often more cost-effective than incarceration, rather than burdening taxpayers with the expenses of housing individuals in prison,
offenders
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 work for the
community
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, undertaking tasks
such
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 as cleaning public spaces, assisting in public centres, or participating in environmental conservation projects.
This
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 way, they contribute their labour to
community
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 improvement. Meanwhile, vocational training plays a pivotal role in reintegrating former
offenders
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 into
society
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. These programs provide hands-on experience, certifications, and connections to potential employers, thereby enhancing the chances of gaining employment post-release. By securing meaningful employment, individuals not only achieve financial independence and purpose but
also
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 significantly reduce the likelihood of relapsing into criminal activities. In conclusion,
while
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 prison plays a crucial role in addressing serious offences, alternative sanctions like
community
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 service and vocational training can be more effective for minor crimes. Striking a balance between punitive actions and rehabilitation is essential for fostering a
society
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that is
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 both secure and supportive.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is good. Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that your conclusion succinctly summarizes your discussion and states your opinion.
Supporting Examples
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with specific examples. The examples you've provided could be more detailed to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between points and ideas could be smoother. Using a variety of linking words and phrases can help to improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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