IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. what are the advantages and disadvtanges of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #disadvtanges #trend
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In today's modern world, it is becoming very common
that
Correct word choice
for
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 senior citizens are
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 sent to elder or nursing
care
Use synonyms
 facilities by their families
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of,
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 able
allocate
Fix the infinitive
to allocate
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 enough time to look after them.
This
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 essay will cover both its
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 and drawbacks in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs.   To commence with the major advantages associated with admitting aged people to these
homes
Use synonyms
,
firstly
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,
this
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 provides elders atmosphere to re-live their moments with other fellows of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 age group.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
care
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
also
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 provide various recreational varieties, which
rather
Rephrase
apply
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help them enjoy and keep them engaged in numerous activities.
Secondly
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, nursing
homes
Use synonyms
also
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provides
Change the verb form
provide
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 better health service within the
premesis
Correct your spelling
premises
, which not only provide aged people better first-aid treatment but
also
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 they get routine health check-ups by medical professionals.
Therefore
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, they feel
more
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apply
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safer and healthier in these facilities.  
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks linked
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while
Change preposition
to
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 putting seniors in these
care
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
, starting with, grandchildren,
in particular
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,
doesnot
Verb problem
do not
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 get enough love,
care
Use synonyms
, and precious time
what
Correct word choice
that
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 they are more likely to spend with their grandparents and on top of that, the guidance about future what they could have gotten by their grandparents.
For instance
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, generally, it has always been noticed that grandparents who
Correct subject-verb agreement
educate
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educates
Correct subject-verb agreement
educate
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 children at an early age about society, history, and values are more likely remembered by
Correct your spelling
kids
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kinds
Correct your spelling
kids
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 during their entire life.
Furthermore
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, their own children will
also
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 not be able
receive
Add the particle
to receive
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 their emotional and mental support during their tough times.  
To sum up
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, without a doubt elders will receive better
care
Use synonyms
 that includes, health and recreational options at elder and nursing
care
Use synonyms
 facilities.
Whereas
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, their own grandchildren will be the ones who will
unfortunetly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
, miss the love,
care
Use synonyms
 and emotional support
which
Correct word choice
that
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 they would have gotten
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if the elder people were in the home itself.
Submitted by vikrant on

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task response
Give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion to fully address the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more logical sequence and ensure that each paragraph connects to the main topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional medical attention
  • trained staff
  • social activities
  • interaction with peers
  • loneliness
  • safety features
  • round-the-clock supervision
  • well-being
  • careers
  • personal lives
  • emotional distress
  • abandoned
  • financial burden
  • quality of care
  • required standards
  • loss of independence
  • structured environment
What to do next:
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