IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

66. In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. What are the causes? How should these young criminals be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes #criminals
In
today’
Change noun form
today’s
show examples
 life, many teenagers and children are willing to commit
crimes
 again
although
 they are set free after spending a long time punished by law. In
this
 essay, there are several reasons for people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
recommit
crimes
 and the government should take certain actions to solve
this
 problem as soon as possible. The major reason for
this
 alarming trend is poverty, lack of employment and following
that is
 uneducated so
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to more criminals appearing. Almost all of these children who relapse into
crimes
 are poor, unlearned and do not have the ability to apply for jobs when they have a criminal record.
For example
, companies are not accepting job applicants with criminal backgrounds because they will affect the
company’
Change noun form
company’s
show examples
 reputation.
Due to
this
 most of them choose repeat offenders to respond to their needs and they want to make money for their life.
On the other hand
, there are several ways to stop these criminals and the family plays an important role in
this
.
In addition
, the authorities should take retribution
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young offenders into account. Looking more specifically, teenagers who commit minor
crimes
 like pickpockets might be punished relatively short.
On the other hand
, those who carried out severe
crimes
 ought to get hard sanctions
such
 as a long prison and depending on their age.
This
 is because they should understand that victims are the things not to do whatever to stay.
To sum up
, The government should take action to carry out punishment
according to
 the severity of
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 when they are free.
Submitted by hihihahahoho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: