Some people think that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfacory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try to improve such situations. Give your opinion.

#people #situation #unsatisfacory #job #shortage #money #situations

Some

people

think that individuals should take a chance to improve their current condition

while

others hold the opposite view - to accept unwanted situations. In my perspective,

people

should do everything to get fulfilment of life.

This

opinion is followed by some reasons that will be discussed in

this

essay. Showing

people

what you are worth is crucial in achieving goals and success.

For instance

, there are many

people

who are talented but are unknown.

That is

the reason for unfulfillment and poverty.

However

, its solution is easy, in the era of modern technologies there is nothing impossible.

For example

, Ted Williams was an ordinary homeless man, but one day he was shot in the video where he was begging for money.

This

video went viral because he had a 'golden voice', so he got offered to work as an announcer at the radio canal.

And now

Correct word choice

Now

show examples

he is one of the most famous radio personalities in the world. The only thing that helped

this

man was the Internet.

For

this

reason, you have to show the world who you are. Accepting a poor situation is not the smartest decision, but can enhance their stress level

as well as

it can affect their psychology and willingness for life.

As a result

, we get a person who has no goals, no dreams, and no willingness for life.

To sum up

, every single person should fight for the future. The main thing is to never give up because in the future you will face your effort's fruits.

Submitted by oglanbek.b08 on Sat Sep 28 2024

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task response

Your essay introduces the topic and provides a clear stance. However, you should elaborate more on the counter-argument about accepting bad situations to show a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Some sections of your essay can benefit from additional linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. This will help in enhancing the overall flow.

task response

Try to develop your main points with more specific details and examples. While the story of Ted Williams is a strong example, introducing additional relevant examples can make your argument more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Ensure to revise sentences for grammar and clarity. Small grammatical errors can distract the reader and reduce the impact of your ideas.

task response

Your stance on the topic is well-defined and clear throughout the essay. This shows a strong commitment to your viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively sums up your message, thereby reinforcing your argument.

task response

The example of Ted Williams is particularly compelling and relevant to the essay's argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

resilience
adaptability
inevitable life challenges
stress reduction
opportunity for improvement
personal growth
development
perseverance
ambition
success
learning experience
contextual factors
beyond one's control
active efforts
positive results

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