IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfacory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try to improve such situations. Give your opinion.

#people #situation #unsatisfacory #job #shortage #money #situations
Some
people
 think that individuals should take a chance to improve their current condition
while
 others hold the opposite view - to accept unwanted situations. In my perspective,
people
 should do everything to get fulfilment of life.
This
 opinion is followed by some reasons that will be discussed in
this
 essay. Showing
people
 what you are worth is crucial in achieving goals and success.
For instance
, there are many
people
 who are talented but are unknown.
That is
 the reason for unfulfillment and poverty.
However
, its solution is easy, in the era of modern technologies there is nothing impossible.
For example
, Ted Williams was an ordinary homeless man, but one day he was shot in the video where he was begging for money.
This
 video went viral because he had a 'golden voice', so he got offered to work as an announcer at the radio canal.
And now
Correct word choice
Now
show examples
 he is one of the most famous radio personalities in the world. The only thing that helped
this
 man was the Internet.
For
this
 reason, you have to show the world who you are. Accepting a poor situation is not the smartest decision, but can enhance their stress level
as well as
 it can affect their psychology and willingness for life.
As a result
, we get a person who has no goals, no dreams, and no willingness for life.
To sum up
, every single person should fight for the future. The main thing is to never give up because in the future you will face your effort's fruits.
Submitted by oglanbek.b08 on

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task response
Your essay introduces the topic and provides a clear stance. However, you should elaborate more on the counter-argument about accepting bad situations to show a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Some sections of your essay can benefit from additional linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. This will help in enhancing the overall flow.
task response
Try to develop your main points with more specific details and examples. While the story of Ted Williams is a strong example, introducing additional relevant examples can make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to revise sentences for grammar and clarity. Small grammatical errors can distract the reader and reduce the impact of your ideas.
task response
Your stance on the topic is well-defined and clear throughout the essay. This shows a strong commitment to your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up your message, thereby reinforcing your argument.
task response
The example of Ted Williams is particularly compelling and relevant to the essay's argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • inevitable life challenges
  • stress reduction
  • opportunity for improvement
  • personal growth
  • development
  • perseverance
  • ambition
  • success
  • learning experience
  • contextual factors
  • beyond one's control
  • active efforts
  • positive results
What to do next:
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