IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Older generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behavior. Most people argue that it is not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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In recent years, a debate regarding taking advantage of old-fashioned lessons in order to succeed in nowadays lives in modern society has emerged as one of the most contemporary controversies, which I
as well as
Linking Words
 the disputers completely disagree with the statement
due to
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 the recent changing circumstances and today's global issues with regard to gap generation. In many instances, it could be undoubtedly true that in the 21st century, almost everything has undergone a fundamental revival.  
To begin
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 with, human beings throughout the world, no longer experience living in confined spaces within cramped conditions, which they used to tolerate.
In addition
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, the older generation has always been worried about the consequences of disrespecting morality;
however
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,
this
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 matters less from the youngster's point of view because of the replacement of financial subjects with ethical majors.
Accordingly
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, as time passes, individuals' priorities in aspects of tradition, old trends and local patterns of behaviours would change dramatically. Plus, the yawning gap between the young and the elderly could be a root cause for not accepting precious advice and recommendations.
Furthermore
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, in
this
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 case, the way of thinking of both groups bears very little resemblance to each other in terms of anything; take how to save money or invest it as the most patently obvious example.
Therefore
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, it should be mentioned that a world of differences in which the old could not bridge the gap is considered the primary cause that why an overwhelming majority of the world population neither follows their advice nor heeds their warnings. In conclusion, in the
last
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 decades, most people
refuse
Wrong verb form
have refused
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 to facilitate living circumstances by using several old beneficial tips.
Besides
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, from my perspective, I strongly believe that
this
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 phenomenon is less important because of the altering situations in our globe and the huge distance between the
ode
Correct your spelling
old
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 style and the modern one.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is barely adequate. There are discernible paragraphs, but transitions between ideas are sometimes unclear or abrupt. It would benefit from more careful planning to guide the reader through the argument with clear linking phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not strongly present the essay's thesis or summarize its main points. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments made.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay does present some supported main points, these are at times unclear or not fully developed. More specific examples and clearer explanations of how these points support your argument would enhance your essay.
Task Achievement
The response to the task only partially fulfills the requirements. You have expressed a clear position, but the development of your ideas is insufficient. It is important to fully explore and explain your arguments to demonstrate a complete response to the question.
Task Achievement
Ideas presented are not always clear and comprehensive. There is a tendency to use complex sentences and vocabulary that can confuse the reader. Focus on clarity and simplicity to effectively communicate your ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to support claims. Providing concrete examples will make your arguments more persuasive and satisfy the task requirement for detailed support of your points.
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