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Band 3.5

In many countries, some children spend a long time each day or their smart phone instead of reading book Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #time #phone #book
It can not be denied that these days considerable time is being spent on electronic devices,
such
 as laptops, and smartphones or it may be tablets by children rather than reading books. From my point of view, many boys and girls are addicted to playing video games by phone. I believe that most issues of increasing significantly that lack of parents kindness and carefulness.In spite of the fact that in some ways smartphones are more efficient
asopposed
Correct your spelling
as opposed
 to reading books I entirely agree with
this
 viewpoint. Nowadays, half of the world is wasting time on phones, especially
this
 trend consisting of most part of children and
this
 way may have a detrimental effect on their creativity. It is common knowledge that if parents do not take strict control of them or give permission to play games by phone, it would cause a change in children's natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and would affect their health
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a logical flow with clear and concise paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence, and followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea further.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your thesis or main argument and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your stance. While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more effectively developed to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples or evidence. General statements should be substantiated with precise information that illustrates your argument convincingly.
task achievement
In addressing the task, make sure to fully respond to all parts of the prompt. Discuss the issue comprehensively by presenting a balanced argument if required, and clearly stating your opinion.
task achievement
To achieve clear and comprehensive ideas, structure your essay in a way that makes your argument easy to follow. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and make sure there is a logical progression from one idea to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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