IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Today more and more people want things instantly (ex: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #goods #service #news #development
It is widely known that
people
 nowadays increasingly want to immediately possess
things
.
This
 is because of the length of
time
 and the
time
 arrangement, so
this
 writer strongly believes that
this
 can result in developing positively to some extent. There are numerous reasons why some want
things
 to be available in any case. Chief of these is saving the
time
 for waiting. Indeed, there are some situations in which many consumers have to wait for weeks, or even months, to have overseas products.
Therefore
, they may feel nervous about their items and frustrated to wait for a long
time
.
Furthermore
,
this
 may help
people
 manage the right
time
 to have their desired products as they just choose their free
time
 to buy online
things
 rather than that their items may come to their house when they are at work,
for instance
.
As a result
, possessing what
people
 want immediately can provide a huge number of benefits for many sellers. Evidently, many
people
 do not want to purchase
things
 in distant locations
due to
 the
time
 of delivery.
Thus
,
this
 can lead to the tendency they buy novel and fascinating
things
 in another nation, indirectly providing a huge profit for the sellers.
Moreover
,
this
 can reduce the risk that many items are damaged when they are delivered. Thereby, the quality of these products is ensured to reach the customers, leading to their appreciation of the shops and the rise of their image. In conclusion, given the saving
time
 and the proper management of the
time
, I do understand why some really want to decline the delivery
time
 to have what they buy.
As a consequence
,
this
 may result in an increase in positive assessments of the stores, helping boost their incomes.

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest. You've shown a strong ability to form coherent arguments, but a greater variety of sentence types could enhance your writing even further.
task achievement
To provide a more complete response to the question, consider expanding on both the positive and negative aspects of the issue. Your essay largely focuses on positive outcomes, exploring potential downsides could offer a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mention general benefits and outcomes, adding detailed examples can make your points more convincing and easier for the reader to grasp.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, clearly stating your viewpoint and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are logically structured, making it easy for readers to follow your reasoning throughout the essay.
task achievement
You've effectively communicated the benefits of instant access to goods and services, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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