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Band 4.5

In general, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past. Why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours?

#people #close #relationship #neighbours #contact
In today's modern world, some
people
 do not desire to have close friendships with their
neighbours
.In many societies,
this
 phenomenon has become widely common. I think, not having a close relationship with the neighbour originated from the high rate of progress in technology and not managing their
time
 for having it compared with the past.Below , some solutions will be presented for improving the contact between
neighbours
.
Firstly
, because of the high rate of living costs
such
 as rent , food , health and education most
people
 have to spend their
time
 at their jobs,
Thus
, they do not have
time
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 or know their
neighbours
.
In addition
, because of the high rate of technology, some
people
 have to be in touch with their close friends or families
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in other cities or countries through some software
such
 as WhatsApp or
telegram
Capitalize word
Telegram
show examples
.
Furthermore
, some communities, prefer to spend their
time
 in the gym or pool and make their friends in these places.
For improving
Change preposition
To improve
show examples
 the connection between
neighbours
,
this
 situation should be changed.
For example
, the government should
be held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 a party in every area during the year and
asks
Correct subject-verb agreement
ask
show examples
people
 to participate in it.
Secondly
, if every area has a community centre with different activities and even without the charge,
people
 will be motivated to join it.
Therefore
, they will be familiar with their
neighbours
. In conclusion, for the number of reasons mentioned above, I believe that
people
 don't have a desire to make close friends with their
neighbours
 because they don't have enough
time
for knowing
Change preposition
to know
show examples
 each other.
Submitted by saraseifi2016 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that logically flow from one to the next. Use transitional words and phrases to improve coherence.
task achievement
Fully address the prompt by expanding on the reasons for the lack of relationship with neighbors and providing more specific and relevant examples. Make sure to address both parts of the question in depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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