IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
There are many contexts and situations in social media that can be positive and negative for society. It is said that social media sites have a negative
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
impact on the lives of the young crowd
while
 others claim that it is good for a young community to use online pages to take advantage to become better individuals. In
this
 essay, I will explain both and
then
 give my opinion on the matter. To start with,
people
 who are exposed to social platforms are at risk of wasting time. When surfing on the net
people
 tend to lose track of time. They tend to leave work aside and some of them lose their focus which makes them behave badly at work and at school.
For example
, a kid would not know when to stop being online and he may miss his meals and even sleep, which would later on, be reflected in his bad mood, poor school performance and lack of interaction with his family.
On the other hand
, social media has a lot of benefits for young
people
 if it is used properly. There are many tools that sites
such
 as Facebook, Instagram and ticktock can offer when it is used for educational purposes. The amount of relevant and worthwhile information online for a person's personal growth and professional improvement is wide.
For instance
, with that content, someone can be unstoppable and would be successful for sure.
To sum up
, social networking websites have benefits and negative aspects for young
people
. Some young adults would waste time if they lose focus.
Nevertheless
, these online apps may be worth it if they are used to improve lifestyle. As far as I am concerned, It is a good way to improve our personal lives and make connections that
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be important later in life.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses both perspectives but lacks clear development of ideas and arguments. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present but need improvement in clarity and focus.
task achievement
The response covers both sides of the argument but lacks depth and specific examples. The ideas need further development to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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