IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree?

#people #government #money #arts
People
 have two different views
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 or not
money
 should be spent on
art
 by the
government
. It seems to me that it would be good if the
government
 pay attention to
art
 not only financially but
also
 by rewarding them. On the one hand, financing
money
 for another area can be useful for both sides. In the
government
, you can find things that need funding without a doubt.
For example
,
people
 need help checking their health throughout the year
due to
 the spread of disease, air pollution and incorrect nutrition. There are diseases that are treated through only operations. But as we know, a small number of
people
 can pay for themselves.
Secondly
, some countries need the reconstruction of the city to attract tourists which affects the increase in the
country
's finances. Earning a lot of
money
 can help a wide size of financing other fields. I think it is not always the
government
 that can help citizens devote
money
 to them but there are key things that are necessary for both society and the
government
.
On the other hand
, there are things that you can determine the level of the
country
's history through
art
. Every
country
 has different traditions, languages, and
art
 which shows the level of their skill and talent. But as we know,
art
 must be maintained for the longest existing to the next generation. Without support, the
government
 cannot be preserved inheritance that passes through the centuries like pictures, sculptures, and music.
Secondly
,
people
 create
art
, and who is given a talent. But
this
 talent needs to be maintained. The fastest way that
government
 can be famous very quickly is only through
art
.
Therefore
 the
government
 should encourage artists, creators, and musicians to create wonderful work. It will only benefit the
government
 to be popular among countries. In conclusion,
although
 any support from the
government
 would be useful for any field, I think
art
 is the face of the
country
.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: