IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part-time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter • explain why you want to reduce your working hours • say which hours you would like to work • describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer

#hours #study #boss #work #studies #employer
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Dear Mr. Singh, I am writing to request a reduction in my office
hours
 so that I can utilize the remaining time for my part-time studies. Currently, I am planning to pursue an advanced diploma in Cloud Engineering which is a six-month course designed to focus on Cloud services. As I want to study dedicatedly, I need your support to reduce my working
hours
. Because
this
 course is part-time with three
hours
 of lectures daily, and
additionally
, I need some time for studies, I would be able to work only for five
hours
 a day for you. I understand that working for less time might significantly impact the deliverables, but, my studies could be tremendously beneficial for the organisation, as after learning I would be able to manage your Cloud infrastructure efficiently, resulting in a cost reduction for the company. Thank you for your understanding and I am looking forward to a positive response. Yours sincerely, Mitali
Submitted by mdpadiya10 on

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task achievement
The letter could benefit from a clearer breakdown of the advantages to the employer, perhaps with examples or specific outcomes.
coherence cohesion
The paragraph describing the working hours and study schedule is a bit dense; consider splitting it for better readability.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is professional and courteous, which is suitable for a formal request.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for each of the required points.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of a greeting and closing to frame the letter appropriately for a formal communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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