IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that government should be held responsible when problem of homelessness and unemployment arise. Do you agree or disagree

#people #government #homelessness #unemployment
These days people argue about the responsibility of the
government
. So, some people think that the administration of a nation has the full responsibility to make strong decisions to solve issues regarding homelessness and unemployment. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 point of view and believe that the
government
 has the ability to sufficiently find ways to reduce these problems. On one hand, the financial situation of a Person is dependent on the individual themselves. If the general public work and study hard in their
life
, they will definitely be rewarded, and
then
 they can have their own house. For illustration, my friend who came from a poor family
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 started investing in himself and worked hard a long time ago. And fortunately, he
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 a well-paid job and he is able now to live a peaceful
life
 without even experiencing any hardships.
On the other hand
, houses and japs are the basic needs of living.
Therefore
, the
government
 should be responsible for providing those basic needs.
In addition
, elevating the quality of
this
 education can
also
 help to create many opportunities. For an instance, if everyone were well-educated, they would be able to build their own businesses, or even they will be qualified enough so
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can find jobs. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the
government
 should be held responsible for unemployment and homelessness, and
also
 everyone should work hard in their
life
 so they can live a wonderful
life
.
Submitted by louis.pang.sa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: