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Band 6

Do you agree that the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages?

#cars
Using
cars
 has been becoming increasingly common in recent years.
Although
 it maintains some obvious harmful consequences, I firmly believe that the
car
’s advantages can outweigh its disadvantages. On the one hand, owning
cars
 significantly influences the environment. The first reason is that the growth in
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
car
 can lead to a rise in pollution, traffic jams, and accidents. More
cars
 are likely to result in a rocketing rate of pollution.
Secondly
, our dependence on
cars
 can lead to decreased practices like walking and cycling.
People
 may have a higher chance of carrying more potential health risks like obesity and heart attack.
On the other hand
, there are many reasons why
people
 prefer to own
cars
.
Firstly
, it provides
people
 with the freedom of movement. The ease of transportation a
car
 brings is more significant/prominent than any other vehicle.
For example
, you can go from one destination to another without wasting time waiting for the bus or train.
Therefore
, time and distance are not barriers anymore.
Secondly
, personal
cars
 can give comfort
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 compared to public transport, which is so crowded and disgusting.
For instance
, you can read books, listen to your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 songs, or even play with kids
while
 in your own
car
, but all of these seem impossible on public transport.
Finally
, families can go together.
This
 becomes especially helpful when there are elderly,
people
 with disabilities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or even sick members in the families. In conclusion, having a
car
 can lead to a few noticeable problems, but owning a
car
 is the best choice, and the benefits that it brings about can outshine its drawbacks.
Submitted by aamenis on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more varied and detailed examples to support your points. Although your examples are relevant, adding more specific instances or data could significantly strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, consider enhancing the introduction and conclusion. Make your thesis statement clearer in the introduction and more directly restate your main points in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs. This not only helps with the essay's readability but also showcases your language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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