IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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The investment in knowledge has provoked intense predicaments among communities, a bunch of people believe that social aspects related to humanity
such
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 as poverty and violence are more important than science fields like space exploration. I disagree because the knowledge of our solar system includes benefits and hazards that might alter our destiny if we know how to deal with them. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into my opinion
according to
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 evidence. On the one hand, the population recognizes the problem we have as a society, poverty, and hunger are negative human conditions that are growing year by year, the controversial fact is a few nations are investing in helping.
Nevertheless
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, people don't recognize the effort
due to
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 not seeing progressive changes. The truth is, that most of the investments given to poor countries are being robbed by corrupt politicians.
For example
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, the USA donated 3 million dollars to Latin America, and there is no report from those nations.
Therefore
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, the government already spends money but corruption avoids the solution.
On the other hand
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, conducting research in space studies has given results, as doctors in Physics and engineers contribute to analyzing and comprehending the current state of our solar system, and
furthermore
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 research involves the
acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
show examples
 of asteroids, one of the current hazards to our existence as a species. The investigation can predict if a big rock could impact our planet and whether we act to destroy it.
For instance
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,
this
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 century a group of scientists launched a projectile to be aimed at an asteroid, and the final result was its destruction.
Thus
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, governments should continue fostering astronomic sciences and discoveries for the good of humanity.
To conclude
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, the government spends money on things that benefit the nation and things that benefit the knowledge of human beings.
Nonetheless
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, there are social issues that don't seem to see a solution like bad people who steal huge quantities of money. But
this
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 is not a reason to cancel the funding in academic or research institutions that could change our life or at least, protect us.
Therefore
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, I disagree completely saying that it is a waste of time.

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task response
Make sure to clearly address all parts of the prompt. While you do provide reasons and examples, ensure you make an effort to touch on each point the prompt raises. For instance, you could explicitly mention how space exploration funds could alternatively be spent on other pressing issues.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure more explicit connections between sentences and ideas to help the reader follow your argument more seamlessly. Use more linking phrases and ensure the logical flow of ideas from one point to another.
task response
Continue to support your main points with specific and relevant examples; this strengthens your arguments and helps illustrate your points more vividly. You have done this quite well, but there is room for even more specific details or a variety of examples.
task response
In your conclusion, reiterate the main points briefly to reinforce your argument and provide a more definitive ending. Summarize your points succinctly to leave a lasting impression.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow.
task response
Your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples and reasons, which help to substantiate your viewpoint.
task response
You have a clear and comprehensive stance on the topic, and you articulate your opinion effectively.
general
Your language and tone in discussing the topic are appropriate and show a good command of vocabulary and grammar.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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