IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#years #crimes #people #cities #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, underage crimes in large cities are rising all over the world. There seem to be two major problems and two possible solutions. One
may be
Verb problem
of
show examples
 the most important
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 might be
laying
Correct your spelling
lying
show examples
 in the law itself, allowing juveniles to escape penalties with the justification that they are still young and inexperienced.
For instance
Linking Words
, the children who committed wrongs will know
this
Linking Words
 escaping method, and, it might become the main shield to do
such
Linking Words
 wrongdoings. Especially, crimes like robbing and burglary
that is
Linking Words
 considered to be soft crime might be encouraged among youngsters.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is hardly impossible to control what they will watch and listen to, and media and
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 that includes violent figures and activities become so accessible that they could easily outsource it if they are limited by peer groups. The most necessary remedy would be to make them understand how illegal acts can change their life in a bad way. Mostly, teenagers do not know the consequences of their actions and often do not know they could end up in jail. In the USA, some states demonstrated the adult criminal's prison life to juveniles by letting them stay with real prisoners for a few days.
This
Linking Words
 method might sound severe but the results were quite positive. Another effective suggestion would be to impose more tax on those that include aggressive crimes and acts on their platform. In
this
Linking Words
 way, there would be much less content would be included in the media, and even if they do them include, it would be an expensive choice to make. In conclusion, light charges against young people might become a motivation for an unlawful act, and many savage media and contents seem inevitable to them but raising their taxes could be one way to reduce it. Showing what would be like to be in a prison for some time could display the significance of the outcome.
Submitted by jargalalt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve the relevance of examples to support ideas
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: