PEOPLE ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE OBESE. What are the reasons of this problem and how can this be solved?

Nowadays, junk

food

Use synonyms

restaurants

Use synonyms

are becoming really common because they are cheap

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

however

Linking Words

, they have led

people

Use synonyms

to gain weight

Punctuation problem

. As

show examples

as a result

Linking Words

, governments should impose

taxes

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on them.

This

Linking Words

essay will analyse how

people

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are gaining weight and

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

how

can they

Correct word order

they can

show examples

handle

this

Linking Words

issue. In the vast majority of

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

cases

fast-

Punctuation problem

, fast-food

show examples

food

Use synonyms

restaurants

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are one of the main reasons for obesity.

Firstly

Linking Words

, they provide

food

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that contains a lot of unhealthy oils

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

consequently

Linking Words

people

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have diseases

such

Linking Words

as heart attack and

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apply

show examples

diabetes.Add to

that

Punctuation problem

that,

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they give cheap

food

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that everyone can buy

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

people

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feel ideal and

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apply

show examples

they do not walk or

make

Verb problem

engage in

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sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

, because they work really hard and feel tired

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

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they prefer to

set

Use the right word

sit

show examples

down

instead

Linking Words

of walking in their leisure time.

On the other hand

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, there are many solutions to

this

Linking Words

problem

and

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, and

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

one of the effective ones is

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taxes

Correct word choice

that taxes

show examples

should be imposed by the government.

For example

Linking Words

, fast

food

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restaurants

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should pay high amounts of money for

taxes

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Punctuation problem

;

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

, junk

food

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prices will increase sharply

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

will prefer cooking at home.

Secondly

Linking Words

, gyms should be put in workplaces

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

; as

show examples

a result, employees will make exercises in their free time

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

can help them

Verb problem

apply

show examples

lose some weight and gain a healthy body. In conclusion, I believe

people

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can have a healthy lifestyle if

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

enforce

taxes

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on junk

food

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restaurants

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

however

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should start to change their own lifestyle to avoid obesity and diseases.

aljazihalfarhan

Mar 12, 2023

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task

Task response: The topic is seen, but add more clear facts and steps. Give 2-3 main ideas with full detail.

structure

Coherence and cohesion: Use clear links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a simple idea sentence and use connect words like First, Next, Also, Finally.

structure

The essay keeps a simple plan with intro, two body parts, and conclusion.

content

The writer shows a view that taxes could help fix junk food use.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

238 words

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PEOPLE ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE OBESE. What are the reasons of this problem and how can this be solved?

Some people think that businesses should provide sports facilities for employees.Others consider that a person's health is their own responsibility, not a company's problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays machines have become more sophisticated due to which more and more jobs and tasks which involve high physical work are being done by machines. What do you think this development has negative or positive effects.

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays online education has become popular as more institutes and companies are offering courses online. However, many people prefer the traditional, classroom training or study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both methods.