Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. Do you agree or disagree?

It can be argued that multicultural
societies
where you can find
people
from different backgrounds have more positive effects than negative effects on a
country
. In my point of view, I completely agree with
this
statement because multiculturalism
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
people
and countries closer to each other. The purpose of
this
essay is to discuss why I am inclined to
this
opinion.
To begin
, there are many various cultures around the world, and having a society that can combine some of them will definitely benefit the
country
and the citizens.
For example
,
people
will be more open-minded about educating their selves about new cultures.
Furthermore
, it can help citizens to have friends from other ethnic backgrounds.
However
, one of the key benefits of multiculturalism is that
people
can share useful information that could help with the
country
’s development.
On the other hand
, no one can deny that there is a decrease in the general rates of discrimination in multicultural
societies
in comparison with other
societies
.
In other words
,
people
are becoming more accepting and educated about different races because children in these
societies
are growing up, knowing and respecting other kids from other countries and races.
Nevertheless
, it can
also
help improve the
country
by having skilled workers who know how to do their jobs perfectly. A good example of
this
is provided by Kuwait which hosts
people
from all over the world and gives them the opportunity to work which resulted in a huge development in the
country
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
to sum up
, I would like to reiterate my opinion that multiculturalism has numerous advantages to the
country
and individuals.
Submitted by Retaaji72 on

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task response
Your opinion is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay, which shows a good level of task response. However, make sure to address the opposing viewpoint as well to achieve a higher score in task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured and organized, but there are some areas where the logical structure could be improved. Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that they are logically linked together to improve coherence.
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