SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE SOCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?
#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour
Some would argue that roughness on the
TV
and in video
games
has negative impacts on the community, while
others believe that the effects of these elements are minor on the individuals' treatment
. However
, adults
know that harshness on TV
shows and in video
games
is just amusement and governments set restrictions for doing that, I believe that it can affect the younger generation's treatment
badly.
On the one hand, action
movies and video
games
are provided for entertainment. Many people particularly adults
watch action
films and play video
games
for fun and they know that doing these kinds
of activities
in real life not only is harmful to them but also
damages society. In addition
, governments have equipped modern facilities to reduce these types of activities
. For instance
, in the UK police control all streets through CCTV to prevent aggressive activities
. I believe that these kinds
of shows on TV
and in video
games
have a negative impact on children
's behaviour.
On the other hand
, the younger generation plays video
games
regularly and the majority of them have an action
genre and this
genre is thought to have a gloomy influence on the community. There is no doubt that people's personality is formed during childhood, and if children
play these kinds
of games
, they will treated aggressively in adulthood. In addition
, numerous children
do some dangerous activities
which they see on TV
shows and do in video
games
outdoors and struggle with others in order to release their pent-up energy. For example
, in the US, teenagers struggle with each other and like to do some acts the same as wrestling TV
shows. However
, I believe that awareness of adults
and restrictions by governments are not enough, these shows and video
games
have serious and negative impacts on youngsters and their treatment
.
In conclusion, although
some people believe that the action
genre has a minor impact on society because adults
know that these shows and video
games
are provided for pastime and authorities ban doing these kinds
of activities
in real life, it can affect children
's behaviour and their treatment
in society.Submitted by hadadianmohamadhossein on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance and maintains it throughout, which is excellent for Task Achievement. However, try to address the counter-arguments more thoroughly to demonstrate a comprehensive discussion.
Task Achievement
Ensure clarity in your ideas by refining some sentences for better readability. For example, 'They will treated aggressively in adulthood' should be 'They will treat others aggressively in adulthood.'
Task Achievement
Strengthen your points with more specific examples or evidence. This is particularly important for your claims about the impact on younger generations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but transitional phrases could be improved for better flow. Words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, ensure that they directly reflect the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, but they could be strengthened with more detailed explanations or additional evidence. This will also help improve the overall cohesiveness of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay, which is very effective.
Task Achievement
You effectively maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay, which is crucial for Task Achievement.