More and more children are becoming obese. What are the causes of this and what are the effects?

#children #effects

Health

experts point out that the number of

children

who have problems with obesity is increasing.

This

fatness in modern young people can be caused by changing their lifestyle and type of daily sustenances.

This

essay will discuss the negative effects of obesity on the young generations'

health

and work efficiency. In the modern

time

zone, in most families both moms and dads have full-

time

jobs,

as a result

, most of them don't have enough

time

to pay attention to their

children

's daily nutrition and in that, case these

children

bear the responsibility of their food options for themselves. It is obvious that they prefer to eat cheap and

fast-prepared

Correct your spelling

fast

show examples

food rather than a gourmet meal. It includes an exceeding amount of oil in juveniles' bodies and the lack of vitamins that are crucial for their

health

. The second reason that leads to corpulence is there a sedentary lifestyle.

While

technological development brought numerous advantages for human beings, people, especially,

children

are being inactive with the impact of gadgets and other devices that simplify their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

As a result

, most girls and boys are opting for indoor activities than outdoor ones in their leisure

time

. Turn into the possible effects of being overweight on

children

, the most obvious implication is seen in their mental

health

besides

physical

health

such

as lack of self-confidence and depression. Another adverse impact of obesity can be observed in the lowered levels of productivity in any subject. Obese people are more prone to fatigue than normal ones. In conclusion, it is true that

children

in the modern

time

zone are becoming obese.

While the

Correct word choice

The

show examples

factors leading to

this

are their inactive lifestyle and attitude toward their food. The implications are connected to various

health

disorders and lowered productivity.

Submitted by uskanovjavokhir07 on Mon Mar 13 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, the essay lacks a clear organizational structure and logical progression of ideas. Work on linking ideas and creating a more cohesive flow.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more children are becoming obese. What are the causes of this and what are the effects?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the purpose of education is to make individuals useful to society, while others think that education should help people pursue personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. Which approach do you think has more advantages? Are there any disadvantages to children having a school uniform?

Many government spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.