IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Online currencies have become more common in recent years. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#currencies #years #development
In
resent
Correct your spelling
recent
show examples
 decades, digital currencies have gained popularity because it is easy to access and hard to lose
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to physical
money
. In my opinion, I believe that the profits outweigh the drawbacks
due to
 its usefulness. Digital currencies are simple and easy to use by individuals
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages.
People
 can pay instantly using their digital wallets whether in online shops or supermarkets.
Moreover
, many online platforms for payment enable
people
 to benefit from their online
payement
Correct your spelling
payment
payments
 using their electronic
money
 by gifting them cash-back bonuses.
Although
 it may be difficult for elder
people
 to manage, most online payment methods are user-friendly to suit folks
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all group ages. In the UK,
for example
, a study showed that 85% of old
people
 are able to use their digital wallets since they have learned it from their grandchildren. It is true to say that digital wallets are more reliable than physical
money
.
People
 are not required to worry about crimes like theft.
Also
, when
people
 are travelling across the world, they do not need to exchange physical
money
 in that country because most countries are accepting digital
money
instead
 of physical
one
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
. In Poland ,
for instance
 , the government encourage tourists to use paperless payment rather than cash because they can stay safe and protect themselves from any possible
money
 laundering.
As a result
 , government can manage their financial issues effectively.
To conclude
 , digital
money
 is more common these years because they are simple and reliable. They may have some drawbacks ,
however
, we can clearly see their advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by shahdhaouaria on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay adequately addresses the task and provides a clear opinion on the given topic. However, the arguments could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with an effective use of linking words and clear paragraph structure. To improve, consider using more varied transition words and paying attention to pronoun reference for coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital wallet
  • Decentralization
  • Cryptocurrency
  • Blockchain
  • E-commerce
  • Fiat currency
  • Financial inclusion
  • Cross-border transactions
  • Volatility
  • Smart contracts
  • Decentralized Finance (DeFi)
  • Mining
  • Energy consumption
  • Pseudo-anonymous
  • Regulatory challenges
  • Financial privacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: