IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think that it depends on factors such as money and personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is believed by some that hardworking and determination have
key
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a key
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role
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roles
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to
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in
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 being successful in life
while
Linking Words
 others assert that
money
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 and individual outlook are more vital to reach achievements. Working hard and being decisive may present easy access to new goals which would bring triumphs. Looking from the other side
to
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of
show examples
 the discussion, personal appearance and
money
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 have an initial
affect
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effect
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the way
of
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to
show examples
success
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, people who are working hard and stubborn can open doors of
success
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 completely in their lives. Their motivation and devotion come from their ambition for being successful. They have no fear to be unsuccessful even though they fail. To illustrate that, many well-known sportsmen have become successful after many frustrations and failures and they never give up learning and giving
efforts
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effort
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 again.
Therefore
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, permanent efforts and determination can bring
successful
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success
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 eventually.
On the other hand
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, people who have
money
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 and
desirable
Correct article usage
a desirable
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 outlook have privilege
in
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at
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 the beginning of
way
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the way
a way
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 of
success
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.
Power
Correct article usage
The power
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 of
money
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 and attractive appearance give inevitable positive impacts to influence people. With these tight relationships, individuals can do precious
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 and create their own businesses and
subsequently
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, these enterprises yield their fruits as achievements. Hollywood stars, models and business kings’ children are counted as examples. Shortly,
money
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 and personal appearance are impactful in the way of
success
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. In conclusion, causes and examples can be multiplied with
this
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 discussion.
Although
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, hardworking and decisiveness have significance to be achievable, in my opinion, funds and
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
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 outlook are slightly better than other traits which are needed to be successful these days.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • determination
  • perseverance
  • success
  • innovation
  • resilience
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • networks
  • sustain
  • financial resources
  • safety net
  • first impressions
  • capability
  • relevant
  • fundamental elements
  • external factors
What to do next:
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