IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV and playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children
Youngsters are spending more time on
TV
 and video
games
 as opposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
, resulting in health problems and a lack of knowledge. I concur with the statement that children`s first priority should be reading
books
 versus watching
TV
 and playing computer
games
. A multitude of rationales could be cited why
book
Add an article
the book
show examples
 is worth allocating a substantial yield of time
, one
Change preposition
to, one
show examples
 of which would be that by reading
book
Add an article
a book
the book
show examples
, not only can they broaden their knowledge, but
also
 their thoughts would be provoked, enabling them to become more creative. As a case in point, many eminent individuals 
such
 as artists, actors, and whoever has a clever mind acknowledge that if it weren`t for reading
books
, they couldn`t become successful in their lives. Another consideration would be that the more children are addicted to
TV
 or
games
, the more prone they are to quite a few diseases,
while
, perusing the book would be associated with an increase in peace of mind. A bright example would be stress. children playing violent video
games
 might get much more stressed than those
value
Correct pronoun usage
who value
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of reading
books
 could be way more than watching
TV
 and playing video
games
.
Submitted by namvarehsan7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: