IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows how people in USA spent their free time between 1980 and 2010

The graph below shows how people in USA spent their free time between 1980 and 2010
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The information regarding how individuals manage their leisure duration in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 has been illustrated by line the graph between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is observed that watching TV shows
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 browsing the internet
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend. At
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fleeting glance, it is vivid that reading and theatre
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
zig-zag
Correct article usage
a zig-zag
show examples
 pattern
30
Change preposition
of 30
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%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 spent free time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading in 1980,
then
Linking Words
 it escalate to 40% after
decade
Add an article
a decade
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.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, rapidly go down to 20% in 2000. Later, rapidly increases to 60% in 2010, but in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
theatre
Add a comma
,theatre
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 50%
people
Change preposition
of people
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 love to go cinema in 1980.
Next
Add a comma
,Next
show examples
 it decreases to 45% in 2010. Moving
further
Linking Words
, 60% person enjoyed
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
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 TV in 1980 and 70% in 2000.
Further
Linking Words
, people show less interest in 2010.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, hiking rapidly goes up from 20% to 70%.
Next,
Linking Words
surfing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is less than 10% in 1980.
Then
Linking Words
 elevate to 15% in 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
, reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% in 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 3 times.
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